Continuing the battle

This week I decided to do the unthinkable. Put me first. Above work. Above my future plans. Instead, I focused on my sanity. I decided I needed sleep and rest and peace more than I needed to fix other people's problems. That's not natural to me. I was raised by a doting mother (who was a workaholic in taking care of us) and a workaholic dad we didn't see alot of unless we visited his work. There's nothing wrong with that way of life, but I need more balance. But being selfish, taking time for me, makes me feel guilty. But guilty or not, I'm doing it. Go me!

Today has been semi-exciting. We went and looked at granite for kitchen counters (also looking at Silestone), and then I did a bit of belly dancing. I then had a great conversation with my good friend/minister Jason about compassion fatigue, and what balance really means. It turns out he faces some of the same challenges I do, and it's always great to know you aren't alone. I spend so many hours a day solving problems (diagnosing disease) and thinking things through, that sitting quietly knitting or wandering around Wegmans is more than fun; it's needed to provide my brain a bit of rejuvination and provide me some sanity. And of course, I love food. :)

I've been doing pretty well health wise. I've decided to quit thinking about baby making. Who knows what the future will bring, but I don't want to stress myself out wondering about it. I always "what if." And I want to do it less. So instead, I'll enjoy being active and fit, and being happy at my happy weight. Jeremy calls this my "perfect weight" but I think of it as happy weight--I can enjoy some wine, some cheese, and some dessert, without having to take a nap right afterward.

What do you do for balance? How do you rejuvinate?

Total re-evaluation

Reassessing goals.

I do this periodically. I realize that my goals have gotten skewed, and the things that really matter to me are getting the least of my time and energy. Resulting in me feeling frazzled and fried and wanting to kill someone. Not cool.

Things I’m realizing?

What matters: me (guilty as it makes me feel to say that), my marriage, family, friends. So those are the things I want to spend 70% of my time focusing on.

What matters to me about me? My sanity/inner peace, my health, sleeping 7 hours a night, exercising daily (6o minutes daily), eating well (chewing my food not inhaling it) and healthfully, reading (30 minutes daily), cutting down on the chatter (email that is skimmed not read).

So how can I accomplish these things? Invent a 36 hour day!?! I just need to shift my focus, and remind myself all the time, of what has to come first. It is a choice. A choice to not get bullied into doing things I don’t want to or can’t do. A choice to be there; not just physically but mentally (cut down on the multitasking). A choice to say this matters more than that, and let that go. Something has to give, and I don’t want it to be my mental health! I can and will do this. I will continue to work on this, daily. I am a work in progress.

Travels and Trials

So I’m not going crazy. I promise. Well, maybe just a little.

In the last 3 weeks, I’ve had some health issues as well as changes at work (call me if you want the scoop!). To the point where I wound up in tears one morning, exhausted, a few days after my birthday, thinking that I might be losing it. So Jeremy’s response? Beach weekend! God I love my man.

So away we went to Ocean City MD. It’s a nice town, part carnival and part oasis. We laid around on the beach during the day on Saturday, then went to a bar Sat pm to watch a great live band (Pressing Strings). Jeremy enjoyed multiple adult beverages, and didn’t enjoy the next morning! Sunday we stayed in bed awhile, and then played on the beach again. The water was too cold for me (a lowly 70 degrees) but it helped J’s hangover. We had lots of crab and crab cakes of course. Then we crossed the bay to head over and see the wild ponies on Ashtangue Island.

Monday was a partial day at the office, before I headed to Atlanta for 2 ½ days for a conference. This VCA conference was focusing on new doctors, but it provided some great information on interpersonal communication, especially communication with owners. But most fun? I got to see Huda, one of my former roommates and dear friends, for about 12 hours. We ate yummy truffle mac and cheese and gelato, and generally giggled a lot! I love seeing my friends, even if it’s for a 20 minute cup of coffee. But sometimes it’s the best to just wander and enjoy a good ice cream cone.

Happy Birthday to Me!

I am now 31 years old. Start digging my grave…JK!!!

Aug 1, 2 days before my birthday, I threw a joint birthday party with Sarah and Jason. This of course was after I met Christy (high school friend) at the vet specialist’s office, to discuss her sweet kitty Zach. Zach had a vaccine associated sarcoma (cancer) and needed an amputation. I was there for support for both of them, and as advocate for Zach. Luckily, he’s doing really well!!! J

Anyway, back to the party. We still don’t know many people here in town, so most of the attendees were Sarah and Jason’s friends, as well as people from their church. But it was good to joke and socialize and play a few games. In addition, we got great ice cream birthday cake (Strawberry cheesecake) from Cold Stone creamery. Awesome!

Sunday was pretty quiet, though Jeremy was starting to feel sick. One problem? Our A/C had started leaking. And not just leaking, but leaking into the floor of the 2nd story (ceiling of the 1st) and the walls. So he called our home warrantee company, who says they won’t cover any secondary damage! Very frustrating. Plus, it’s 95 degrees? Plus, the part has to be ordered and won’t be back in for 2 weeks. So 2 weeks with no A/C, water damaged ceiling/walls with peeling paint, 95+ degrees heat (with 2 black dogs). Fun.

I worked Monday, my birthday (Aug 3) against my better judgment. No one should be running around on their birthday; there should be mandatory napping and manicures!

After work, Jeremy picked me up and took me home. Though he was officially sick at this point, he sucked it up to help me celebrate. He tried to drain the A/C for 30 minutes, grabbed a quick shower, and got dressed. We were about 20 minutes late at this point, but the restaurant held our table and we enjoyed a yummy dinner (though not amazing). Afterward, we drove through downtown DC and went to the FDR memorial to see it all lit up with all the fountains at night. It was really pretty.

2 days later we got around to the presents. I was really excited with the gifts (duh!), including a fun box from my mom. It was an “as seen on TV” box, including Debbie’s Green Bags, a Titan peeler, and a food scale that I’ve been wanting for about 2 years. I also got a gorgeous daisy umbrella from my aunt, plus the great recipe book Skinny Tini, with recipes for light cocktails. And Jeremy thinks I need to relax, so he got me a quilted hammock, to go on the hammock stand we found at our house when we moved in. I can’t wait for a screened in porch so it can be used mosquito free.

I can’t wait to see what 31 will bring!!!

Need a longer weekend...

I'm sitting in a clean, quiet kitchen space, wishing desperately that all the work that needs to happen to the house was magically over and done. New kitchen installed. Wall moved. Deck and sunporch built. Doggie door accessible. Plus the 100 or so more minor projects. I work such long hours, 5 days a week, that when I'm home I'm pretty tired, and don't really feel much like contributing. But yesterday I painted and laquered, which I don't mind that much at all.

I really miss working 4 10-hour days. Then I had 3 days off to accomplish all my chores and reassemble my brain. I can't believe I rushed so hard to get another job. I should have enjoyed the time off!!!

But today should be fun. We're going for a hike in Rock Creek Park, then need to finish up some house projects around here. Oh, and laundry. Need to do some laundry.

Work is work; feel free to call me for an update:)

A lily filled kitchen

So I love the idea of a custom kitchen, and love picking things out for the kitchen...but I hate doing the work, making hard choices, and paying the bills.

We're meeting with contractors, getting estimates to revise our hellhole of a kitchen. It will be beautiful and open when it's finished, but for now, it's awful. I'm typing right next to the microwave, and the flowers an owner sent me. She sent flowers because I found her cat's microchip, and the cat was returned home to her. So I did the responsible thing, and I got lovely lilies, gerberas, hydrangeas, snapdragons, calla lillies....and they smell so good!

Anyway, the flowers are the bright spot in our dismal kitchen. Found out today that the floor isn't even, so that will have to be fixed too. Ugh. But I'll keep thinking about how gorgeous it will be. One day.

Shorty

Hmm...so a minimal post, but look at all the photos I got up finally!

Ah Sunday...

One of my dear friends has a small child. An adorable small child. Coordinating events with someone who has a small child is "challenging." Or something. I guess it's all good practice for later in life when we get around to having a human child, right?

Not that we don't have our own challenges with our doggie children. It's the weekend. I'm doing laundry. I have as many, or more, loads of dog sheets and dog towels, as I do people stuff. And their food is nearly as expensive (or seems that way sometimes) as mine. But I love them.

Gus got a full body shave yesterday. His head and tail are still fluffy, but the poor thing looks scrawny. He was thin before, and now it looks like I don't feed him. Jeremy insisted on the shave b/c he sheds so much. But now I look like a bad mother.

Went out last night with a friend from high school, Christy, who lives in Alexandria, about 30 min away. Granted, not that far, but that's a big deal distance in the DC area, where all road are awful, all the time. The flying car will be invented here, I'm convinced.

Anyway, had a great time seeing her, and meeting her boyfriend Jimmy. I wouldn't have even known they were here if not for Facebook. So take that all you FB bashers! But it's wonderful to have people that you have some history and a few stories with...for instance, how bad my hair was 15 years ago. And now I feel old.

So I'm recovering from hanging at a great smoky bar. Drinking tea. Wearing my glasses. Enjoying the quiet. I wish you a nice, chill Sunday morning.

Human Resources Revision

Per Julie and Roger's request, all work related info is now removed from the site. The only exception to this will be occassional discussion of incredibly cute puppies and kittens. But no commentary regarding the workplace, people I work with, people I work for etc. For safety sake. If you want to hear how things are going, REALLY going, you'll have to call me. Sorry to not have a truly open forum where you can really get an update on my life (work takes up 80% of said life), but it's 2009 and my familial HR staffers don't want me to get into trouble. Thanks for looking out for me guys.

That said, the unnamed workplace has created many "interesting" situations as late. I recommend calling me.

Exhaustion

So I feel like I'm making real progress. Things are coming along at work. We had a positive staff meeting. I'm working out consistently, and not eating terribly.

BUT I feel like I'm neglecting my dogs. And I feel tired. But I will continue to plug along, as I always do, waiting for my next super perky minute to feel energized again. Hope it comes along soon, and until then I'm trying to avoid the "energy vampires!!!"

Hugs!

Whole Foods Gift Card Anyone?

Feel free to check out Feed Me I'm Hungry for a Whole Foods Gift Card Giveaway:

http://www.feedmeimcranky.com/?p=1490&cpage=1#comment-712

Thank Goodness for my Trainers

So all my friends are my trainers. In various realms. I'm a notorious labeller, so have a look:
Cliff: family shrink
Sarah & Jason: religious counselling
Jasmine: positivity and motivation
Kori: humor specialist
Autumn: scheduling guru lol

and the list goes on and on. Everyone who comes into my life has an impact. The more time I spend with the person, the larger the impact. And I've decided to only keep those people who have a POSITIVE impact in my life. I want to, and need to, learn from all of you in order to continue to grow and improve as a person. Seems simple, right? But with the advent of the WWW and our recent move to VA, some of the impacts are felt from a longer distance. Still just as vital, just further away. So that requires a bit more upkeep.

Case in point. I haven't had a conversation (physically talking) with my bff Kori in at least 4 weeks. She's getting married in October. How shitty am I? We keep trying to connect but with life, time zones, and travel, etc. it's actually really hard. I hope that she isn't now wanting me to dye my hair for her Halloween wedding... And I still need to plan the bachelorette!

So if you are reading this, please do me a favor and leave me some kind of POSITIVE comment. Aim my energy. Direct my current thoughts. I will now exit to leave Kori another text.

Fourth of July and Food

So Jeremy and I flew down to Valdosta this weekend to see the family, eat a lot, and pick up our plane. Wonderful and stressful all at once. Let me explain.

We flew down Thursday, after I picked up my bridesmaid's dress for Kori's wedding (easily 14 inches too long...crap). My dad flew up to Mannasas, where we will be keeping our plane. We flew to TN to pick ours up, then through some beautiful clouds (check back later for photos) to get home.

On Friday, we had brunch with my godparents, Wayne & Vi at Cracker Barrel. Love that place. (Turns out there is one about 30 min away from my house, yay!) Very calorie laden simple white carbs. But damn tasty. 1 word--biscuits. Yum!

We then went swimming with my niece and nephews, Savannah, Connor, and Drew, aka The Triplets. They have gotten HUGE since the last time I saw them. Or at least tall. And I thought I had big hair. Sheesh! But yay for calorie burning! Loved hanging with them, and my sis Julie, and my crazy dad, and my uber-fun brother Cliff. But mentally exhausting. All 3 babies are 6, so there is much activity.

Saturday Jeremy and my dad went flying in our plane, the Mooney, while Cliff and I hung out a bit. I really miss living close to him. I'm lucky to have such a wonderful (if ecentric) family. Cliff and I are really close as siblings go. And we share a lot of friends, which is super cool. 'Cuz then when he's being spastic my friends already know! lol. More swimming, and of course fireworks. Foodwise, plenty of margaritas and my mom's famous pasta salad. Does anyone else do pasta salad (again with the white pasta...ack!) with tuna, mayo, ranch (both partially reduced fat at least), celery, & GREEN GRAPES? I think not. But it is sooooo good!

Very few things remind me of home as much as food. I know that's the case for a lot of you. What foods remind you of home? or a person?

My mom's lasagna always reminds me of her. I refuse to make lasagna, at least the traditional kind. It would be too wierd. So she sent some home with me.

Sunday was time to return home. We went to Waffle House for the "leaving town" breakfast. There is no close Waffle House anywhere around, which is a really good thing. Again, simple white carbs, lotsa calories, next to no nutrition, but damn tasty. Plain waffle. For real. No butter, no syrup. There is so much sugar in the batter that the waffle, right off the iron is a bit sweet, and crispy and soft all at the same time. So good.

Leaving town was a disaster. It's like herding cats with my family. "What time do you want to leave?" "1 pm." "Are you coming here for lunch?" "Do you want us to?" "If you want to." "What time should we come over?" "Do you want to come over?" Ugh. Time to leave my hometown in order to regain my sanity. And back away from the southern foods. (Note to family members: I LOVE YOU SO MUCH, crazy as you(we) are ;-)! )

Happy belated Independence Day!

Real World

So when you were a kid, and you didn't feel like making your bed when you first got up, did you ever notice that you wanted to do it less and less as the day wore on? Yeah. So that works for at least 2 things in my life, 1--exercise and 2--blogging. I've had SO MUCH CRAP happening in the last week that discussing it kinda got pushed down on the to do list. Oops! I'll blame it on being a freshman blogger.

Finding my zen, again

In my constant effort to find inner peace, I have found that working out helps to burn off alot of my excess energy. Without that outlet, I find my agitation rises. The biggest problem is that in my world, it's often exercise or sleep. And even though research shows sleep is better, I'm starting to really think maybe I'm the exception to that rule. I feel better having exercised, even if I'm working on only 6 hours of sleep. Not that I don't love sleep too! But I can't nap. It makes me more tired and zombie like.

I would love to be a 30 minute catnap kind of girl. But instead I just suffer it out. And usually all those around me suffer with me! Sorry people!

All this to say I got in a nice partial workout today. I'm not up to full steam of where I was before the move from San Diego, but I'm making progress. My elliptical's computer is dead, and the new one won't be here for a month, so I'm running until then. I just really don't enjoy it. But something kinda not fun is better than me not doing anything and being all agitated. So here I am, typing sorta peacefully, still mourning my elliptical. Hope it doesn't rain tomorrow so I can repeat my slightly un-enjoyable run.

Hmmm....

So this is interesting. My dear friend Jasmine has requested/suggested I start a blog. Apparently my non-stop opinions should be published. Not entirely sure I agree, but I have a short attention span, and lots of crazy things happen in my world, and I don't know that I'll ever get around to "writing my book" so we'll see how things go.

Today is a lazy Sunday. So far at least. Slept in a bit to try to recover from last week. I started my new job this week.

I am also a bit "off." My balance needs tweaking. I didn't work out yesterday, and may not get around to it today. Which makes me feel 1- guilty and 2-lazy (and less like working out). Ugh. But Jasmine's blog always makes me feel more energized. I commented on a favorite snack this morning on her blog...I always carry a Z bar with me now just in case. About 100-120 cal, all organic, no high fructose corn syrup, and they are made by Clif bar people. YUMMY!!! Love the chocolate chip and new blueberry flavor. AND WHY do I have to always have a snack? Because I become the wicked witch if I don't eat on my set schedule. I can have a huge breakfast and need a snack in 2 hours. Which doesn't make much sense. And even worse? I don't always recognize that I'm hungry. My hunger shows up as 1-nausea, 2-crankiness, or 3-weakness. And if I go 3ish hours without eating? I bypass normal hunger, become ravenous, and combine all 3 symptoms. Not cool. So I am now off to snack.

Thanks for visiting. I wish you well.